Realities of Miscarriage
When someone becomes pregnant, there can be much excitement about meeting the new baby and preparing for life after they are born. For transgender parents, if the pregnancy came with added sacrifices or was more difficult to achieve, there can also be a great sense of accomplishment. But despite everyone’s best hopes and deepest desires, pregnancy loss in the form of miscarriage and stillbirth is a real part of pregnancy for many people.
There are social taboos surrounding death and miscarriage which can make it seem as though they rarely happen, but the truth is that miscarriages are a regular occurrence. The Mayo Clinic states that one in four known pregnancies end in miscarriage (2). The frequency of the experience shows that miscarriage is pervasive even within cisgender, heterosexual families.
The grief that LGBTQ2 parents feel during a miscarriage can be intense. When there are sometimes only so many attempts budgeted, a loss of a pregnancy can have devastating consequences for LGBTQ2 families' futures. For transgender parents, time for multiple attempts can mean having to make hard decision such as whether to hold off on critical medical care like gender-affirming hormone therapy or surgery.
Many prospective parents find it frustrating that supportive resources such as books, journals, and support groups are almost exclusively written for heterosexual, cisgender women. A research study (1) examined the top 10 book resources on Amazon.com for miscarriage and none of the books referenced LGBTQ2 families and their needs.
The same research group also looked at LGBTQ2 parenting books; none of those mentioned the emotional pain of miscarriage or stillbirth. Perhaps the social pressure to be an “ideal” example of a successful family contributes to the lack of conversation on this topic, or maybe it’s the greater social pressure to avoid conversations about death, dying, and loss.
Fortunately, the LGBTQ2 community is resilient and has responded to the lack of visibility with the creation of their own social media spaces. The Legacy of Leo was created and uses the hashtag and blog series #LGBTBabyLoss to help families who have had similar experiences find one another and share their stories. You can read about a pregnancy loss story here (written by a transgender woman and her wife), and trans dads have shared their loss stories here and here.
There are unique needs in the experiences of LGBTQ2 grief and loss and mental health professionals are becoming more comprehensive. The Australian Psychology Society created a document that outlines the uniqueness of LGBTQ2 grief and provides tools for addressing those needs accordingly.
Grief can be a part of a pregnancy loss experience, and it is vital that everyone have the support they need to get through it. Trans Fertility Co. understands that everyone’s grief is as individual as their lives. If you want to share your story of pregnancy loss, please feel free to contact us.