Abba, Per, or Ima… What Shall They Call You?

An Exploration of Gender-Affirming Parent Names

For many trans and nonbinary parents, choosing a parent name isn’t just about language. It’s about identity, belonging, and building a family culture that feels true. Some parents love the tradition of “mom” or “dad.” Others don’t. And many want something that lives outside the usual options.

There are no right or wrong answers here…. Only what feels right to you.

Below is the beginning of a conversation about parent names used across trans and nonbinary communities, along with some considerations to help you choose a name that fits.

Why Parent Names Matter

Parent names do more than mark a role in a family. They can:

• Affirm a parent’s gender

• Help children understand that family structures come in many forms

• Reduce dysphoria

• Create clarity in schools, medical settings, and extended families

When your parent name aligns with who you are, daily life often feels more grounded.

Parent Names Used by Trans Men

Some trans men feel at home with names like Daddy, Papa, or Pa. Others choose something less tied to old-school fatherhood. Many simply pick a name that feels good to say and hear, or one that matches the relationship they want to build with their child.

Common names include:

• Papa

• Dad / Dada / Daddy

• Baba

• Papi

• Pops

• Appa

There’s no single pattern. The goal is choosing a name that feels honest and sustainable over time.

Parent Names Used by Trans Women

Plenty of trans women use names like Mom or Mama. Others want something that feels feminine without carrying all the cultural expectations tied to motherhood. Some choose a name that bridges past and present, or simply one that makes them feel at ease.

Common names include:

• Mama / Mom / Mommy

• Mimi

• Mada

• Mere / Maire

• Maddy (used by some parents across genders)

These names give space for a range of identities and experiences.

Parent Names Used by Nonbinary Parents

Nonbinary parents often want a name that isn’t tied to “mother” or “father.” Some choose a gender-neutral term; others blend familiar sounds into something new. Many of these names appear across queer and trans families, regardless of gender.

Common options include:

• Baba

• Gaga

• Nini

• Zaza

• Ren (from “parent”)

• Per (also from “parent”)

• Maddy (a blended name that many nonbinary parents now use on its own)

• Mapa (another blended, all-gender name used in some families)

Some parents adopt a name their child invents; some choose a name that carries no gendered meaning at all.

Heritage-Based Parent Names

Many trans and nonbinary parents look to their cultural or linguistic roots when selecting a parent name. This can be a way to honor ancestors, reconnect with heritage, or simply use language that already feels like home.

Examples include:

• Abba and Ima — Hebrew words for father and mother, used in Jewish families and sometimes adapted by queer parents across genders.

• Amma — used in several South Asian and diaspora communities.

• Baba — a parent name found in many African, Middle Eastern, Slavic, and Asian languages, widely embraced in queer and trans families.

• Papa / Papi / Appa — used in multiple cultural and linguistic traditions.

Heritage names can offer a sense of continuity, legitimacy, and connection that many parents find grounding.

Names for Donors, Co-Parents, and Chosen Family

Families created through donor conception, surrogacy, platonic co-parenting, chosen family, or in multi-relational households often need more than two parent names. Some commonly used additional names include:

• Zee / Zizi

• Titi

• Gogo

• Bibi

These names help clarify relationships while giving each adult a title that feels loving and authentic.

How Families Choose a Name

1. Start with what feels honest.

Think about the relationship you want your child to feel when they call your name.

2. Picture it across your whole life.

A name has to work for both a toddler and an older child. After all, “Daddy” often naturally evolves to “dad” over time, so you might think about how your chosen name may evolve as well.

3. Expect that kids might adapt it.

Many children naturally shift or invent names, on purpose because they like something else better or simply can’t pronounce the one you’ve presented to them. Families often embrace these changes, as long as the new name feels as filled with love as the old one.

4. Try it in daily life.

Say it out loud. Imagine hearing it across a playground or on a family holiday card. Think about how your future child might feel saying it in front of friends or with a teacher; do you imagine them feeling proud to be special or wanting to fit in?

5. You’re allowed to change your mind.

Identities evolve. Families evolve. Names can evolve, too. Kids are incredibly flexible and resilient, and while it make take some practice, most kids eventually adapt to whatever name they hear being used for their parents.

There’s No Wrong Choice

Whatever name you choose, what matters most is that it feels like yours. It doesn’t have to translate neatly for outsiders. It doesn’t have to appear in a bunch of kids’ books. It just needs to work for your family.

And if the name that once fit no longer does, you can choose again. Kids may or might decide to along, but hey—that’s part of parenting, too: empowering our kids with agency and the choice to decide what works best for them as well. Isn’t that what we all want, after all?